Enrichment · Wellbeing

Hard news,
in words they can hold.

Children grieve, but they grieve like children: a five-year-old asks when Grandpa is coming back, a nine-year-old wonders if it was their fault, a teenager talks to friends instead. Plan what you will say for this child’s age, keep a few notes in the weeks after, and know when to ask for more support.

Plan the conversationWhat you get

The children you are supporting

The worked example is made up: a five-year-old three weeks after a grandfather’s death, and a teenager after a classmate died. Saved on this device only.

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What you get

Enrichment · WellbeingFree

What you finish with
A record per child: a code, age, who died, how close they were, the date, the words you will use, their questions, what you notice in the weeks after and nine supportive steps. Works out the age band and weeks since; flags what children that age usually understand, plain words, their fault, the school, changes that last and when to talk with the pediatrician or school counselor.
Who it is for
Parents, grandparents, guardians and teachers helping a child or teenager after a death in the family, at school or of a pet.
Format
Browser guide with a saved record per child. Prints one child’s plan and notes, every child in a table or a blank sheet; downloads a spreadsheet (.csv); exports and imports a file.
Access
Free. No account, no sign-in and nothing to install. Everything you type stays in this browser; nothing is sent to Caveat.
Where it lives
The Wellbeing space in Caveat Enrichment.
Support
Questions about access, an order or a correction: team@caveatacademic.com.

How to use it

  1. Note the child’s age and who died.
  2. Write the words you will use, plainly.
  3. Tell them it was not their fault.
  4. Keep short notes on what you see in the weeks after.
  5. Talk with the pediatrician or counselor if changes last or get in the way.

Plan the conversation

By age

What children understand, by ageUnder about 6May think death istemporaryAsks the same questionsGrief shows in play andsleepAbout 6 to 12Knows it is permanentMay worry others willdieMay think they caused itTeenagersUnderstands as adults doOften grieves withfriendsMay pull back or takerisksWhat children understand, by ageUnder about 6May think death is temporaryAsks the same questionsGrief shows in play and sleepAbout 6 to 12Knows it is permanentMay worry others will dieMay think they caused itTeenagersUnderstands as adults doOften grieves with friendsMay pull back or take risks
Ages are rough; a child’s experience matters as much as age. Grief comes in waves for years, often returning at birthdays, holidays and milestones.

The funeral

Children can usually choose whether to go to a funeral or memorial if someone tells them first what they will see and hear, and a trusted adult stays with them who can leave if they need to. Offer a part to play, like choosing a flower or a photo.

Your own grief

Children learn grief by watching adults. It is fine for them to see you cry and hear you say you miss the person. What they need is to know that someone will still take care of them.

Sources

  1. American Academy of Pediatrics. How to support children after a death and Talking to children about death (healthychildren.org).
  2. National Child Traumatic Stress Network. Childhood traumatic grief and Sesame Street: When families grieve resources (nctsn.org).
  3. Coalition to Support Grieving Students. Developmental understanding of death modules (grievingstudents.org).
  4. The Dougy Center for Grieving Children & Families. Tip sheets by age (dougy.org).

The worked examples are made up. This page helps an adult plan and notice; it is not counseling, a diagnosis or a crisis service. If a child or anyone might not be safe, call or text 988 or call 911. Nothing you type is sent to Caveat. Support: team@caveatacademic.com.