Enrichment · Wellbeing

Say what you need,
then what you will do.

Boundaries go wrong in two ways: said in anger, or said with nothing behind them. This builder keeps the script short and calm in four parts, ending with what you will do if it happens again, something you control. Then it tracks whether the boundary is holding and tells you when the problem is no longer your wording.

Write a boundaryWhat you get

Boundaries

The worked example is made up: a friend who borrows without asking, a project group chat that runs past midnight and a partner who wants your passcode. Saved on this device only.

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What you get

Enrichment · WellbeingFree

What you finish with
A record per boundary: who it is with, the kind, the facts of what keeps happening, a four-part script, where it stands, how many times it has been crossed since and four checks. Prints a script card with a line for pushback; flags always and never, a part 4 that orders the other person around, no follow-through, a boundary crossed again and again, and warning signs in a dating relationship.
Who it is for
Middle school, high school and college students; parents and teachers helping a student with a friendship, group or relationship problem.
Format
Browser builder with a saved record per boundary. Prints a script card, one boundary, all of them or a blank sheet; downloads a spreadsheet (.csv); exports and imports a file.
Access
Free. No account, no sign-in and nothing to install. Everything you type stays in this browser; nothing is sent to Caveat.
Where it lives
The Wellbeing space in Caveat Enrichment.
Support
Questions about access, an order or a correction: team@caveatacademic.com.

How to use it

  1. Write the facts of what keeps happening.
  2. Fill in the four parts, short and calm.
  3. Read the flags; fix any always, never or you have to.
  4. Practice it aloud, with one line ready for pushback.
  5. Update where it stands; if it keeps being crossed, follow through and tell an adult.

Write a boundary

Boundaries

Requests, demands and boundariesA request“Could you ask beforeyou borrow mycalculator?”They can say no.A demand“You have to stop takingmy stuff.”Tries to control them;easy to argue with.A boundary“If it happens again, Iwill keep it with me.”Says what you will do;holds even if theyignore it.Requests, demands and boundariesA request“Could you ask before you borrow mycalculator?”They can say no.A demand“You have to stop taking my stuff.”Tries to control them; easy to argue with.A boundary“If it happens again, I will keep it withme.”Says what you will do; holds even if theyignore it.
A boundary is about your own next move. That is why part 4 of the script matters most.

Calm and specific

Describing one behavior and its effect on you (“When you take my calculator without asking, I end up without it”) is easier to hear than a judgment about the person. It also leaves less to argue about.

When it is not a wording problem

If someone keeps crossing a boundary you have said clearly, or a partner checks your phone, demands passwords, threatens you or gets angry when you say no, tell an adult you trust. love is respect, the national dating abuse helpline for young people, answers by text (LOVEIS to 22522), chat and phone. If you might not be safe, call or text 988, or 911.

Sources

  1. Gordon, T. Teacher Effectiveness Training and Parent Effectiveness Training: the three-part I-message.
  2. CASEL. Relationship skills: communicating clearly, resisting negative social pressure, resolving conflict constructively. casel.org.
  3. love is respect (loveisrespect.org), the National Domestic Violence Hotline’s helpline for young people: text LOVEIS to 22522; warning signs of controlling behavior.
  4. 988 Suicide & Crisis Lifeline (988lifeline.org): call or text 988, chat online, 24 hours a day.

The worked example is made up. Nothing you type is sent to Caveat. This page is not a crisis service: call or text 988, or 911 in an emergency. Support: team@caveatacademic.com.