Enrichment · Wellbeing

Better questions than
“how was school?”

Pick the youngest child’s age and the kind of talk you want, and get a deck of questions everyone at the table can answer, grown-ups included. Each card has a short tip for the adult on how to listen.

Make a family deckWhat you get

Deal a deck of family conversation cards

The worked example is made up: a week of dinner cards for a family with kids aged 9 and 12, and a car-ride deck for a teen. The page keeps the cards and your notes, not anyone’s answers.

Loading the deck maker. If nothing appears, turn on JavaScript.

What you get

Enrichment · WellbeingFree

What you finish with
A deck of 6, 10 or 15 conversation questions for your family, each with a listening tip for the grown-up, used at meals, in the car or at bedtime, with favorites starred to come back to.
Who it is for
Parents, grandparents and caregivers of children aged 4 to 18, and teachers or school counselors sending a family activity home.
Format
Browser card generator with saved decks and a pass-it-around view. Prints the cards to cut out (for a jar) or as a list; downloads a spreadsheet (.csv); exports and imports a file.
Access
Free. No account, no sign-in and nothing to install. Everything you type stays in this browser; nothing is sent to Caveat.
Where it lives
The Wellbeing space in Caveat Enrichment.
Support
Questions about access, an order or a correction: team@caveatacademic.com.

How to use it

  1. Choose the youngest child’s age and the kinds of talk.
  2. Print the cards for a jar, or open the present view on a phone at the table.
  3. Take turns drawing a card; everyone answers, grown-ups too.
  4. Read the tip on your card and listen more than you talk.
  5. Star the cards that worked and note any plans that came up.

Make a family deck

Why everyday family talk matters

Where family talk happensMomentWhat helpsCards to tryDinner tablePhones away, everyone answersOur day, just for funCar rideSide by side, no eye contact neededFeelings, what mattersBedtimeQuiet, one question onlyOur day, feelingsWeekend walkMoving makes talking easierLooking aheadFamily meetingShort, with a plan at the endOur familyWhere family talk happensDinner tableWhat helps: Phones away, everyone answersCards to try: Our day, just for funCar rideWhat helps: Side by side, no eye contact neededCards to try: Feelings, what mattersBedtimeWhat helps: Quiet, one question onlyCards to try: Our day, feelingsWeekend walkWhat helps: Moving makes talking easierCards to try: Looking aheadFamily meetingWhat helps: Short, with a plan at the endCards to try: Our family
Drawn for this page. The best moment is the one your family already has.

Warmth is protective

A large analysis of parenting research found that warmth and less family conflict go with lower risk of depression and anxiety in teenagers, while harshness and over-involvement go with higher risk. Regular, easy conversation is one ordinary way warmth shows up.

Meals are a good moment

Children and teens who share three or more family meals a week tend to have healthier eating patterns. These are associations, not proof, but meals are a reliable time when everyone is in one place.

Listen more than you fix

The tips on each card come down to the same idea: ask, listen, and thank them for telling you before you give advice. If a child shares that they or someone else is not safe, stay calm, listen, and get help: call or text 988, or call 911 in an emergency.

Sources

  1. Yap, M. B. H., Pilkington, P. D., Ryan, S. M., & Jorm, A. F. (2014). [Meta-analysis of modifiable parental factors and depression and anxiety in young people aged 12 to 18.] Journal of Affective Disorders, 156, 8 to 23. doi:10.1016/j.jad.2013.11.007
  2. Hammons, A. J., & Fiese, B. H. (2011). Is frequency of shared family meals related to the nutritional health of children and adolescents? Pediatrics, 127(6), e1565 to e1574. doi:10.1542/peds.2010-1440
  3. Lieberman, M. D., et al. (2007). Putting feelings into words: Affect labeling disrupts amygdala activity in response to affective stimuli. Psychological Science, 18(5), 421 to 428. doi:10.1111/j.1467-9280.2007.01916.x
  4. 988 Suicide & Crisis Lifeline: call or text 988, or chat at 988lifeline.org.

Questions and tips were written for this page; the example decks are made up. These cards are for everyday family talk; they are not family therapy or an assessment. Nothing you type is sent to Caveat. Support: team@caveatacademic.com.