Academics · Subject Resources

Ask about friends.
Then mostly listen.

Children rarely announce friendship trouble; it comes out sideways, on a car ride or at bedtime. Note who your child names and how each friendship feels, the worries that came up and one small step you chose together. The guide tells ordinary conflict from bullying, says when the school should know and keeps a record you can look back on.

Start a conversationWhat you get

Conversations

The worked example is made up: a fourth grader left out at recess, a high schooler with a friendship that hurts and a worry about a friend, and a first grader just checking in. Saved on this device only.

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What you get

Academics · Subject ResourcesFree

What you finish with
A record per conversation: grade, what started it and the date; each friend named with where, how it feels and what your child said; what is going well, worries, your child’s words, one next step, whether the school needs to know and five listening checks. Counts friendships by how they feel and gives specific next steps for each worry.
Who it is for
Parents and caregivers of children from kindergarten through high school.
Format
Browser discussion guide with a saved record per conversation. Prints one conversation, every conversation in a table or a blank form; downloads a spreadsheet (.csv); exports and imports a file.
Access
Free. No account, no sign-in and nothing to install. Everything you type stays in this browser; nothing is sent to Caveat.
Where it lives
The Subject Resources space in Caveat Academics.
Support
Questions about access, an order or a correction: team@caveatacademic.com.

How to use it

  1. Pick a relaxed moment: a drive, a walk, a meal.
  2. Ask who they like spending time with.
  3. Note how each friendship feels to them.
  4. Choose one small step together.
  5. Check in again on the day you picked.

Start a conversation

Friendship trouble and bullying

Conflict, a mean moment, or bullying?ConflictBoth sides disagree,about equal in powerBoth usually want itfixedCoach them through itA mean momentUnkind, said or doneonceIt hurts, and it isworth talking aboutWatch whether itrepeatsBullyingUnwanted and repeated,or likely to beOne side has morepowerTell the school, inwritingConflict, a mean moment, or bullying?ConflictBoth sides disagree, about equal in powerBoth usually want it fixedCoach them through itA mean momentUnkind, said or done onceIt hurts, and it is worth talking aboutWatch whether it repeatsBullyingUnwanted and repeated, or likely to beOne side has more powerTell the school, in writing
Most friendship trouble is conflict. The response changes when it becomes bullying.

One good friend matters

A child does not need to be popular. Research on peer relationships finds that having even one close, reliable friend protects children against loneliness and the effects of being picked on.

What bullying means

The federal definition used by schools describes bullying as unwanted aggressive behavior by another young person or group, involving a real or perceived power imbalance, that is repeated or likely to be repeated. Teasing between equals that both enjoy is not bullying; teasing one child cannot stop is.

When a friend is in trouble

Teens often hear about a friend’s self-harm or hopelessness first. Tell your child that passing it to an adult is how you help a friend. The 988 Suicide & Crisis Lifeline takes calls and texts at 988.

Sources

  1. Gladden, R. M., Vivolo-Kantor, A. M., Hamburger, M. E., & Lumpkin, C. D. (2014). Bullying Surveillance Among Youths: Uniform Definitions for Public Health and Recommended Data Elements, Version 1.0. Centers for Disease Control and Prevention and U.S. Department of Education.
  2. U.S. Department of Health and Human Services. StopBullying.gov: what bullying is, and how parents can talk about it.
  3. Hodges, E. V. E., Boivin, M., Vitaro, F., & Bukowski, W. M. (1999). The power of friendship: Protection against an escalating cycle of peer victimization. Developmental Psychology, 35(1), 94–101.
  4. 988 Suicide & Crisis Lifeline (call or text 988; chat at 988lifeline.org).

The worked example is made up. This guide helps a family talk; it is not a way to report bullying, and it does not replace the school’s process. If a child is in danger, call 911. Nothing you type is sent to Caveat. Support: team@caveatacademic.com.